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and there you have it…

Month

June 2009

simplify life – 101

Tired of endless laundry, expensive detergent, tiring baths, and irritable children? I have the answer!

Diaper Kids Unite!

I’m always looking for ways to simplify our life around here, and I’ve decided children’s clothes are overrated. I mean who really needs them anyway? They don’t like to put them on, I don’t like to wrestle them on them, I don’t like to wash them, and it’s so much easier to just hose off kids then scrub a tub and give them a bath! I will start a new revolution.

Diaper Kids Unite!

Perhaps the public will scoff, but we never go in public anyway! I will stay in my home with my diaper clad children playing happily in the dirt and we will not care! What a day it will be! Oh wait, it’s today! Oh happy day! I’m so happy! Happy happy happy. So are the kids, peacefully playing outside in the dirt. And they’re happy! Did I mention that already? I think my daughter has caught the spirit, you should see her dirty little grin. She looks almost gleeful. Just the thought of all the work and anxiety I am saving makes me giddy.

you will not outshine me Jena! says the little man

On the way to drop off the kids this morning…

Grant: I don’t want to mow my hair mommy.

Me: mow your hair?

Grant: Yeah, I want a crane to lipt it.

Me: you want a crane to lift your hair?

Grant: NO! Craneses lipt CARS Mommy!

duh, what was I thinking…

conversations with a 15 month old

Since Jena does not get nearly enough air time, I think she deserves another post devoted to her. We’ve started stealing her pacifier more when she’s awake and lo and behold words have started coming out of her mouth! Here’s your typical conversation with Jena.

Jena you want some milk?

Jena: no

How about some juice?

Jena: NO!

*cat walks across the table*

Jena: kitty!

Jena…Jena…water? Do you want water?

Jena: no no, NOSE! *puts fingers in both eyes and giggles*

*randomly pick one of the three and give it to her*

Jena: taku (we like to think she’s actually a polite child, so we interpret this as thank you)

my favorite stage in the development process

Independence is coming, it’s on it’s way! I cheerfully set a plate of food on Jena’s tray and watch her try to use her fork to eat. It’s so cute. I stand and admire her for a minute too long, sentimentally thinking how big she is getting.

Once she’s well on her way I start making my own breakfast. While doing this she’s lost patience with the fork and is now shoveling the food in with her hands. No big deal I think, she’s still contained AND feeding herself!

I sit down to eat my breakfast, she’s decides she’s done feeding herself. Please don’t read that as she’s done EATING. No No No, as she would tell me with finger waving in my face. Silly mommy, I’m simply done feeding myself.

I’ve found I now have three choices.

1) I can feign ignorance, get her down and listen to her whine until snack time because she’s still hungry. Quick and clean, but annoying for the next hour or so.

2) I continue to eat my own breakfast while watching her begin to squish every morsel of food into her little fist and laugh completing this ordeal by running her hands all over her tray spraying whatever may be left on herself, the walls, and whoever else is unlucky enough to get in the way. I get a hot breakfast and she’s contained. But it’s a bear to clean up and it’s only bought me about 15 mins of no whining because remember, she is still hungry and now there’s nothing left edible.

3) I could abandon my nice warm breakfast and resign myself to cold eggs, again, feed her the rest of hers and let her down to get into who knows what in the house while I finish my cold eggs and warm milk.

Breakfast is way to early in the morning for these kinds of decisions.

Grant’s brother’s name

So there’s been lots of discussion these days on names for this little baby boy. I guess Grant has been overhearing and paying attention to more than we realized (as usual), as of last week he’s decided he’s going to start contributing to this on going conversation. These names have ranged everywhere from Thomas characters to random mumbo jumbo I could never translate into the written word. So I took a video instead. Enjoy.

On a side note, when Grant watched the video with me he found himself hilarious.

watch out brother!

So I’m reading to Grant before bed last night and as my stomach takes up most of my lap these days, half his body is virtually on top of it. In the middle of one of the stories the baby starts kicking and one of the kicks moves Grant’s arm. Here’s what happened then.

Me: Did you feel that Grant?

Grant: I feel nothins

Me: Your brother, in mommy’s tummy, he just kicked your arm. 

Grant: *looks at me puzzled*

Me: There he is again, he just kicked you.

Grant: *getting slightly disgruntled* He not kick me! I PUNCH HIM!

WARNING: You are now entering the whining zone

Excuse me a minute while I whine.

After the first five pounds I had to break out the preggo shoes, why? Because my back was beginning to protest. Never one to be out done, my heels decided shortly after two could play at this game. I must concede, heels you WIN, YOU WIN. Now please stop the torture. I know I’ve added 20 pounds, with plans for more, to your work load, but it is only temporary they tell me! 

I feel like I’m carrying around an oversized bowling ball with supports designed to hold a golfball, or possibly no supports at all. I know they were there with the first one, I remember them, I think they were abdominal muscles. Yeah, those are definitely gone now.

I also can’t sit for too long in one position the slightest little shift will cause the entire lower half of my body to scream in protest. Like right now, I tried to cross my legs the other direction, bad move Joy. What were you thinking!?

I don’t remember feeling this huge or this heavy this early, and I’m pretty sure that’s not due to baby brain, I really don’t think I did. With each kid it seems to show up earlier. That poor Dugger lady probably knows the moment she conceives because her stomach instantly blows up and she can no longer roll over in bed. 

When I mention my mammoth size people respond that I look so small, to which I wonder what part of me they are referring. I mean even my maternity clothes are getting too tight. Not that I mind! I’ll take it! Even if I believe you to be legally blind or a little off your rocker.  My hips are bigger, my thighs are bigger, even my cheeks are bigger. That is of course not mentioning the enormous stomach that blocks the site of everything north of my navel, my pretty orange toenails included. It was only a few weeks ago I was able to bend over to paint them, one can only hope I like this color till September because I do not see how I will reach them now.

All that said, I am getting excited to see this little guy whose kicks are becoming so powerful I find myself unconsciously trying to move out of the way. I’m also looking forward to the break when he gets here. As crazy as that sounds, it will be a break, at least physically. I mean it’s not like I’ll be losing MORE sleep than I am now. I’ll also be able to see the little guy, and my toes! It’s a win win I tell you.

In the meantime, even though I’m still ready to go to sleep and it’s only 8:30, I feel better now. I guess I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening, please disregard the groan as I get up and waddle myself to bed.

sometimes it’s the journey that’s the fun

So I’m finally getting around to painting our bedroom. We’ve lived here almost two years now, and though I’ve had plans to do it the whole time, it’s just now happening. I think it’s the impending baby. It has me doing all sorts of things around here. Some may call it nesting, I call it desperately completing as much as possible before I’m out of commission again for another next year. Pregnancy does not stop you from accomplishing these types of things, a newborn does. Also the room was a  nice golden color when we moved in. Not near as motivating to cover up as white. White walls effect my sanity. You think I’m joking, the only mental breakdown I’ve had to date was when I was spending too much time in Neil’s apartment, it was ALL white. Nevermind the fact that I was in school, working, planning a wedding, and making futile attempts at finding a decent hormonal birth control. The white walls were the final straw. 

So back to the room. I decided I was going to edge the room first. You know it’s the not so fun part, that usually requires prep and work and delays the fun. So after the kids have been in bed this week I’ve gone into our room and edged. Actually having a bit of fun with this, since I decided to forgo all the prep and go straight to the painting, I decided I’ll paint a little more, with the brush. Yes I know painting a wall with a brush is a tad insane. I’ve painted more in my life than you would believe. I’m pretty sure my intolerance of white walls was inherited from my mother. But I was actually enjoying myself, and as I was cleaning out the brushes I thought I’d have a bit more fun, because really shouldn’t the journey be enjoyable too?

making painting fun!
making painting fun!

And just because I thought they were so cute. I’ll let you see my little ‘helpers’ in action.

isn't she the cutest?
isn't she the cutest?

 Straight from bed to work I say!

you know the only reason I had kids was for the free labor, right?
you know the only reason I had kids was for the free labor, right?

to complement the orange toenails we’ve added some pink and a dash of purple!

UPDATE: Picture now included, please scroll down.

I know I promised a post on the yogurt results. It’s coming…perhaps tonight. Two posts in one day? Maybe I’m being a bit ambitious, how about sometime this week…Besides I figured we should give it the Grant test before I offer up a review. His reaction will be far more accurate than any flowery description I could give it. Unless he’s learned to read and finds this post, in which case he will adamantly refuse to even open his mouth for yogurt, and we’ll all lose.

Instead I thought I’d share the events immediately preceding bed last night. I was trying to reach a bowl I had left on the couch last night when the couch leg spontaneously jumped in front of my toe. Now our couch has been know to do strange things before, often throwing the children to the floor or rejecting my son’s best attempts to feed him, but he had never attacked me directly. But the resulting crack that was heard as my toe collided with the couch left me with searing pain and the distinct impression that I was no longer his favorite.

Neil proceeded to inspect the damage as he is the expert in all minor and some major injuries (for that he can thank playing about every sport there is). It was quickly concluded, much to my relief, my toe was not broken nor my toenail. Even though I was fairly certain the pain would have been substantially worse if either of those had been, that cracking sound had me a bit worried for a moment.

Off to bed I went thinking surely it will be better in the morning. Wrong! By morning everything that touched my toe, from my bed sheet to my 32 lbs son, caused searing pain. The top joint is now a lightly swollen pink with a dark shade of purple right in the middle. It complements the orange toenail nicely, if I do say so myself. I will have to post a picture for you tonight so you can appreciate the work of artI am now privileged to have with me at all times.

By now I’ve almost perfected my walk to a somewhat unrecognizable hobble, to the untrained eye (I fear I am really kidding myself here). So the only indicator something is wrong are my burgundy leopard flip flops that match so well with my red dress. I do realize some might rejoice in the excuse to wear flip flops to work, at one time I would have been one. However in my six month pregnant state if I cannot put some decent shoes on my feet in the next few days my heels and back with be having some serious conversations with me about favoring one measly little toe over such essential body parts such as themselves! I can hear it all now, those two are quite the complainers lately.

UPDATED PORTION:

look all that pretty color, take that couch!
look all that pretty color, take that couch!

Good news, the pink and swelling was all down by the time I got home from work today, HOORAY! It also seems my camera was attempting to make the pretty purple color disappear in the photo, you all will have to use your imagination. I wasn’t going to spend an hour shooting and editing, this is after all a picture of my TOE.

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