Ok so maybe that title is a bit of wishful thinking. There are actually a lot of things I am guilty of, but, well, that’s not really where I want to go with this post. I’ve been realizing, again, how many needless things I feel guilty about. (Like right now, as I realized that this is not a new revelation to me, there goes the guilt again).
It probably had something to do with being raised by a former catholic, my father, and a mother who can navigate the guilt trip with her eyes closed. But the more I talk to mothers, especially new mothers, I realize there’s something bigger going on than my family issues. Apparently our culture is breeding this nonesense. I’m not the only one! This is not entirely comforting however. The fact that I’m in good company kinda makes the situation more crazy.
And since one of the primary purposes of this blog is therapy, I will now list some of the things I feel guilty about in any given minute.
I feel guilty that…
I sometime eat food that the kids might possibly eat (not food that’s on their plate or for them, but food they may like…or possibly eat…at some point…ever)
I might not be feeding them properly (which is moslty only a reality in my head)
I’m not feeding them enough (I’m sensing a running food theme…)
I don’t get home till dinner more than half the week now
I didn’t make my own baby food
I didn’t even try cloth diapers
I let the kids brush their own teeth and only once a day!
My oldest son has allergies (yes I do feel responsible)
My youngest son has excema (he got it from me you know)
There are more days than I’d like to admit that I don’t like my daughter
I yell at my kids WAAAY more than I was ever planning too (aka never)
The kids get more showers than baths, because it’s easier for me, even though they love the bath
I wash Jena’s hair (if you heard her screams for help you’d feel bad too)
Some nights I make up an excuse not to read stories before bed
I don’t remember most of my daughter’s first year
I go longer than a few weeks without taking video/pictures of the kids sometimes
My kids watch TV every morning
I sleep (or at least try) while they watch TV, unsupervised, in the morning
I rarely clean out the car
I never clean windows
I no longer enjoy the holidays
And here’s my favorite
I DON’T feel guilty about working (in my defense this particular one is frequently reinforced outside my head)
There, I feel better already. I actually realized, in making that list, that I could take a number of things off this list. Things I do that aren’t ‘approved’ of. I started to put them down, thinking I should feel guilty about them, and realized, I don’t. Woohoo!
So in celebration, I DON’T feel guilty that I let my kids play in the dirt, or they all share a bedroom, or I only buy them one or two toys at Christmas, or we stay away from the doctor whenever possible, or I love all my kids differently or I sometimes fantisize about the day they’re all off to college and I have my husband all to myself!
I think I’m going to try to add to the second list, or subtract from the first one, or at least not add to the first one, or not feel guilty if I don’t do either, or something like that.