I’m home alone, not really real alone, just this phase of my life’s version of alone. Husband gone, kids are sleeping = alone, for me. Every time this happens I think, I need to post. Then I grab the laptop, sit down, and nothing happens. I can’t remember what the 15 different thing I wanted to say were now that I actually have a minute to put pen to paper, metaphorically speaking (did I just date myself with that?)

So here’s my stuttering thoughts on what I’ve been meaning to post on…

I wanted to show you a video of Grant at school today. However, it is on the Bycemaster’s phone, not mine, and as I previously mentioned, he is not home. You’ll like it though, whenever it gets here. He was a pilgrim, (Grant, not Bycemaster, though the thought of Bycemaster dressed as a pilgrim is highly entertaining, but I digress) he sang little turkey songs, with hand motions, I laughed a lot, he was cute.

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Our first Christmas gifts arrived this week. I cannot say what they are as at least one of the recipients regularly reads the blog, but they are really cute! I’m so excited about them, and I hope the people that get them will be too. How’s that for nice and vague!

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No more bites on the house yet. I’m actually not worried or concerned about it at all, which is making me a bit worried and concerned in a different way. I’ve got enough other stuff on my mind right now. If January comes and goes with no action at all, I may begin to panic, as of now all is calm, all is bright…

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Which leads me to the holidays! They are upon us. I’m feeling very mixed about them this year, not that this is really anything new, the last decade of my life has brought less joy and more dread almost every holiday season. It’s a continual war to enjoy the holidays, and even writing that sentence feels wrong. This year however, we have new fun, grief, yay! As Thanksgiving approaches, a time when I had recently been seeing more of my grandfather, the loss is becoming more and more apparent. I’m just gratefully this isn’t the year I have Thanksgiving here, being at the in-laws will at least offer some relief. My parents are in the same grief boat, so they have no desire to add a second Thanksgiving into the mix. For both of those things I am very grateful.

As for Christmas, it can’t get worse than last year, I hope. No funerals, no crazy last minute madness ’cause I was gone for half the season. I may even make a Christmas party or two this year. It’s our Christmas here, so I get to go to Christmas eve service, one of my favorite parts of the holidays. I do love Christmas eve. Writing all this is making me actually look forward to it all. Maybe I’ll buy a Christmas dress for Jena, she’ll actually have occasion to wear it since we’re going to the Christmas eve service. I’m feeling happy about Christmas at the moment. Now to guard that feeling…

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