Somedays (let’s not mention which days, or how many of them there are, except to say that some of them are said days) I feel like I should record my daily life for use as an alternative, natural birth control.

See 14 year old girl, this is what your life could be like.

Exhibit A: going to the bathroom

9 month old at your feet upset you had to put her down: WWAAAAAAAAHHHH WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAAH WWWAAAAAAAAAAH WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH (pause for air, and resume) WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WWAAAAAAAHHHHH WWWAAAAAAAAAH

Simultaneously the 2 year old outside the shut door: MOOOOOOMMMY!!!!! MOOOOOMMMMYYYYYY!!!!! Me in, mommy, me in too! MOOOOOOMMMY!!!! (insert little fingers under door)

Also simultaneously the 4 year old: Why is the door locked mommy!?!? We aren’t allowed to lock the door in this house! Open the door! (bang bang bang) mommy!!! I have to go potty! Open the door!!!!

Repeat for the eternity one minute feels like under above circumstances.

Feeling sexy now, aren’t ya?

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