and there you have it…



lucky 13

It’s national women’s day today. We did not know when we picked a wedding date, whose only qualification was to match our spring break, that we picked National women’s day.

I, personally, find it fitting. It’s not often talked about, accepted, or PC to talk about the way a husband supports and maintains a strong woman. There are so many examples of how abusive men hold women down, push women down, and try to strip us of our strength.

But that isn’t the whole story. Those negative examples do exist, but so do the positives. There are men in relationships with women who support them and build them up. Men who compound our inner strength by combining it with their own. Some men know a strong man does not need a weak woman to ‘balance’ them. They know two strong partners make a partnership stronger.

Today marks 13 years since Bycemaster and I began the process of learning how to pour our strength together. It took many years from the day we walked down the aisle promising to love each other through sickness and health, richer or poorer, and all of the in-between, to even begin to figure out how to be strong together. I am also certain we’ve more to learn.

We started deep in the poorer, two college students making no money and have travelled to the bills get paid and there’s some savings! We’ve had many years of health and are now walking through a season of sickness. There are some serious health concerns going on with Bycemaster’s family of origin right now. Things I don’t feel are my place to share here (but we’d still love prayer!)

But the sickness is also within our own family. It started last Saturday with what we now believe was a massive panic attack. It unfortunately did not stop there. Bycemaster has continued to have weakness and shaking as well as continuing attacks almost everyday, many days more than one. He is moving forward, but it’s been a 2 steps forward 1 step back kind of dance, and treatment feels slow to take affect.

It’s been debilitating to watch, I can only imagine what’s its been to experience. Life has been slower since. Most everything outside our home has been cut. There’s been lots of sitting, lots of holding hands, lots of breathing together as we wait for the anxiety to lesson and his heart rate to drop back down.

These past few years especially, as we’ve walked this adoption road (more than 2 years since we started researching agencies) I’ve rested on, relied on and channeled his strength for my own. Through my identity crisis leaving the office to come home and our homeschooling transition (and continuing journey!) I’ve relied on him to hold up my arms when I could not go on. I would often hear top executives at work talk about how they never could do it without their wives there to support them. To be honest, it felt like lip service at the time. But I’ve felt it in action. I know, my greater strength comes not from me, but from us. As I’ve watched him ‘down’ this past week I almost didn’t remember how to go on, on my own.

I know I’m never truly alone. I know God is always there for me. Even know He’s given me little reminders lest I forget. I also believe he’s given me this partnership. Functioning without it’s strength has been a stumbling, draining process, but it is one I feel honored to do.

This man has been my rock through so many break downs, family drama, work insecurities, baby struggles and a whole host of anxious thoughts. He’s been there for me to lean on and cry on. He’s prayed for me and leant me his strength so I could go on. There’s been relatively little in comparison where the roles have been reversed. So even though it has been so hard to see him ‘down,’ and even though it’s been hard to single parent and take care of him for the last 11 days. Even though I’ve had my own moments of breakdown and fear, I am honored to be able to lend him my strength as we lean on God together.

We promised lots of things on this day 13 years ago. Things neither of us knew much about. Life has a way of teaching, if you let it. It has imparted much wisdom and much love.

I would marry him again in a regular or racing heartbeat. Here’s to lucky 13!


I took my tongue ring out on Wednesday. It was a mildly traumatic experience for me. I’ve known it was going to have to go for a few years now. It was slowly eroding my gums, gross right? But it was slooooow, so slow I let it stay. I mean I’d had the thing almost ten years and it’s not like I’ve lost a tooth or anything close (though I did read horror stories of that online before I pulled the plug).
I felt like I had removed a part of my identity, and I’m not being dramatic.

The whole next day I kept trying to play with it (something I never even realized I did so much of), but it wasn’t there. Eating and drinking felt really weird, like really. I’d already realized I’d lost another hole in my ears this month, the third to just magically disappear. Taking me down to four.

On the plus side my son will no longer be trying to pull it out of my mouth when he nurses, it doesn’t take as long to brush my teeth anymore, and I can’t think of another plus.

I feel like I’ve made some sort of step into something crapy. To make up for it I’m feeling the need to go get my next tattoo! I feel better already.

Here’s a picture. Appropriately taken with a kiddie backdrop. I don’t even know why it’s appropriate, it just feels like it! So deal with it.

18 days later

As you can see I’ve gotten quite good at this intermitent posting thing.

I’m just hear to give you a quick update on the plague and possibly some other things…as I usually tend to ramble. We are now on day 18 and this is the first day all five of us have been in our respective public places, AT THE SAME TIME. I am quite happy, beyond actually. Of course not before every member had gotten pink eye (minus Neil) and the plague and we even threw in a case of pneumonia for the littlest guy, ’cause we just needed a little more fun. Yes, even I succumbed to a minor version of the plague myself and followed it up with a lovely case of pink eye, which was really only notable because I had no eye make up on for four days (while I was on drops), in public no less!  I didn’t know who that woman in the mirror was, she had no eyes!

We all still have the occassional cough and the kid’s noses are still pouring, but it’s clear! Oh blessed clear. The complaints of cold this morning were because it actually was cold…for Florida…yes I know it was not REALLY cold, but we had almost 90 and then 50s showed up and I’m all ‘Hello? Who are you?’ Ok that was a horrible sentence…moving on.

I just want to thank you all for all of your prayers, I am hoping to have now paid my dues and we will all remain well FOREVER. Also it is my 8th anniversary, and though I had plans to write a sappy (not really) anniversary post, I will suffice it to say we are both eternally grateful to be able to stay up past 8:30 tonight and go out while someone else watches our non-contagious children. Happy Anniversary baby! *cough cough cough*

we’ve made it 7 years so far

Today is my anniversary. 7 years of marriage. Even writing that out it’s hard for me to wrap my head around. 7 years. That makes me feel old. But who am I kidding, everything makes me feel old these days. I have a feeling that some day, when I sleep again, I will just stop aging for like 20 years to let my real age catch up to my felt age ’cause by that point I’m sure I’ll feel like I’m at least 50.

Back to the anniversary. It’s been quite the ride, often bumpy, never dull, but totally worth it. I love him more today than the day I married him. We were two kids who’ve grown and matured a lot in the last 7 years. I for one, am very proud of the man he’s become.

Here’s a tiny little picture of us on our wedding day. It’s tiny because it had to be *gasp* scanned in. We have no digital images of our wedding. The scanner leaves a bit to be desired, but you get the idea.

I’d like to add more, but I need to hurry up and publish this before the dye burns the hair off my head.

look how young and naive we were 🙂

Here’s to many more years to come.

happy anniversary!

Today marks my one year blogaversary. Yippie! It’s been a fun year for me. I hope you all have had as much fun with it as I have. I know many of you probably are new so I’ve decided to highlight a few of the favorites.

Ok so maybe this one wasn’t a favorite, but it was the first and I felt it fitting. This was the maiden voyage.

This was one of the earliest posts that rivaled newer entries for months afterward. I’m not entirely sure why it’s a favorite, but you guys seem to like it so here it is, u mean you don’t remember things?

To all my pregnant readers. I feel your pain. my you look like you’re about to have that baby!

This seems to be a fan favorite video post, and it’s not of my kids. I will try not to hold that against you. I don’t blame you though, I can’t help but laugh EVERY time I watch or think about it. And I misspelled the title and apparently never fixed it, oh well. Here’s whose the crazy parent now.

Here’s one of your favorites and mine. And since New Moon just came out I find it fitting to add this to the post today. Sorry ladies there’s no Edward Cullen. the new Cullen family.

And finally here is one of my all time favorites. It’s of the kids when Grant was two and a half, Jena was only 10 months old, and we didn’t know we were pregnant with our little Jacob yet. Here’s something I won’t do for years, sleeping in.

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