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a birthday for a girl

Dear first born daughter,

You and I went to the beach together to watch the sunrise on your first day as an 8 year old. I woke you up, put you in the car and asked how you felt now that you were 8. You made a surprised sound and said, “I’d forgotten! Sometimes you forget things when you go to sleep.” We started the day with a laugh.

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You have continued to blossom this last year. You’ve found a love in gymnastics and dance. You’ve added round offs and pirouettes to your still near constant cartwheeling through life. Piano has also been added to your repertoire and I am in wonder watching you play. You have a regular practice time, but it’s so rarely the only time you play. The only time I enjoy hearing Let It Go is when you play it. Though I still enjoy the Star Wars Theme and your favorite Hall of the Mountain King a bit more.

Baking has been big for you this year and you made your own mermaid cupcake cake for your party.

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You’ve also been somewhat obsessed with tiny houses. You make your own in the bedrooms, you plan how you will someday make a real one, you watch documentaries on them. I, for one, would be very interested in seeing a tiny house you made. You’ve also been taking your faith more seriously this year. You read through your entire kids’ study Bible and are in the process of considering being baptized. It is very exciting for me to see you begin to rely on God. He is the one who made you who you are, and He is so vested in your life.

You throw all of yourself into the things and the people you love. You are kind, generous and caring toward the people in your life. You consider what they like when picking out gifts, even when you’re tempted by what you like. You are excited about life and having adventures. You are so many things it took me so many years to learn and it gives me such joy to watch you.

As you grow into the approaching pre-teen years, these years that seem to start earlier and earlier these days. I will try to make sure you hear the good things I think and believe about being a woman said out loud. I will try to show you how to love yourself and your body. I will try to show you to not internalize the guilt and shame others will try to put on you. I will try my best to be free, so you will know the path to staying that way. I know they’ve shown that children, you, learn best by example. Nothing has made me try harder to be the whole person God intended me to be, so you’ll know how to do the same.

As always, I love you, for who you are,

Mommy

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sunrise sunset sunrise sunset

I want to start by thanking all of you who prayed, sent messages and texts last week. I do believe they made a difference, we seemed to reach a turning point after the post. Thursday early morning was our last panic attack. Bycemaster has been function and back at work since Thursday afternoon. We are still continuing on with the cardiologist appointment this afternoon, but not out of any real need anymore. We are continuing on with our chosen course of actions and are happy and excited that life has, for the most part, returned to normal. As quickly as it came, it went, and now life goes on.

This weekend was my sister’s birthday and with Bycemaster feeling good again I was able to do some celebrating with her. We spent her actual birthday morning up way too early. We drove to the beach to watch the sunrise. It was good. I think we are both ready to put the night behind us and start new in the sun.

Thanks for walking this journey with us, enjoy the sunrise 🙂

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update on Brooklyn

Thank you to everyone that was praying for Brooklyn’s birth mom this past week. She has made her decision, and it was not us. We found out yesterday, ironically, right as I was finishing painting the baby dresser. We will continue to apply for grants and get ready over here. Hope for a chance at a baby moon. All the while hoping that our plans and prep get disrupted sooner than we expect. As we’d much rather have the baby than the plans.

cureforanything

I have a life motto, if you will. The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears or the sea.

My attempt at the sea today has failed, but the other two are readily available. I did not get as excited about this attempt, however, the disappointment has been worse. I know another family is happy. I know our baby will come. I know the perfect timing is what I want. I know all the things I’m supposed to know right now. I don’t feel any of them today, but I also know that will come.

In the meantime, I am very happy that my husband, who still occasionally drives me crazy, is at his best in the hard times. When I really need him, he far surpasses expectations. If anything I am grateful for another opportunity to see him in action.

best monday ever

Today we took a day, just took it and ran with it all the way to the beach. It’d been a while, it was much needed. I’ve been in that place where there’s just enough to make it the next step and no more. No margin, no extra. The beach takes me back to fuller again. It was a good choice. I left the weekend frustrated that our home study still wasn’t approved and the person responsible was leaving on vacation. I know they work hard, I do. But that doesn’t really lessen my frustration with how much waiting we are doing before we are even officially waiting. I left the weekend feeling like it was once again too short and to full of work. But oh Monday. Monday has been good to me. Monday was full of the good stuff.

Like a little girl finally finding the magic mix of wet and dry sand for her castle to work this trip!

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And make believe birthday cakes and candles and wishes too!

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And the most awesomest construction team ever and their giant pool!

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Complete with an underground basement, can you see it under there? They started tunneling under ground. It was impressive, they were proud.

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When we got home I jumped on the wifi and checked my email. First I saw we have a renter! I don’t even remember if we posted that our renter that was going to renew decided to leave instead, because you know when you’re fund raising having a refill fee and empty rental is what you’re going for, clearly. But we have a new renter and we were able to get more rent than last year and they move in Friday! Very exciting, but not the most exciting email. The best email was the next one.

WE ARE IN OFFICIALLY IN WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!

So pumped, I may just set up the pack n play and hang up the baby quilt tonight. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. Happy dance (in my head, maybe).

Best Monday ever.

the results are in!

Thank you all so much for your feedback on the last post. Most everyone is actually on the same page, when does that ever happen? So weekly it is! I now have to find some way of reminding myself to do it, I may end up with post it notes all over my house again. They actually work fairly well. Except last time my children collected them all from the entire house like a scavenger hunt and created a mural on their wall with them. Yeah…so maybe I’ll find another system.

Tomorrow is our last home study visit! Hopefully, assuming the fire extinguisher passes inspection. Who would have thought a silly fire extinguisher could cause so much stress, not I said the fly! I’m plugging away on our family profile book. I’ve managed to gather way more pictures than could ever fit and yet somehow still don’t have exactly what I want or need when I sit down to put the actual pages together. I’m giving myself the week to take pictures of our daily lives, so those we see on a regular basis, the paparazzi is coming to town! Also next Monday looks like the perfect beach day, so I promised myself we’d go if I got the book done by then.

I’ll leave you with this little gem I found digging through photos. It was our 3rd anniversary, I was 6 months pregnant with Grant. Which is impossible, because look at the babies!

we were so little, also I want my hair short again
we were so little, also I want my hair short again

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