and there you have it…



the goory details

So I was reading about last year’s sick fun here and here and here. Why would I reread all that you ask? To make myself feel better, and it worked! By the end I was like, damn, we got off easy this year.

So here is my unchronological (is that a word?) tale of events. I hope you aren’t eating, yeah, put that popcorn down, trust me on this one. It all started when Jena came out of bed stating, Jacob threw his popcorn all over his bed and it smells bad. Having just finished up three days of sick with Grant (and no one else catching it), we had hopes we were in the clear, blind hope! That was just the beginning. We got the poor confused boy, who had never thrown up before, out of bed, showered him off and stripped his bed. I then sat in the bathroom holding him while we tried to figure out where to sleep him and he starts throwing up again, 10 mins later again, 5 mins later again. I felt like I was timing contractions and he was steadily keeping an every 5-10 min pace for hours. I ended up till 4 am with my poor little 2 year old who threw up more times than I knew was humanly possible. It broke my heart every time I’d see his little face flush and I knew I’d have to get him up to throw up yet again, I lost count somewhere around 20 times, but he didn’t stop. It was insane.

But that’s not all! An hour after he started, Jena started too! yay puke party! So Neil was up with her in the other bathroom, all night. They both finally stopped around 6 in the morning. Mercifully hers was less severe, more along the lines of what Grant had just gotten over. And they all wake up fine the next morning, read that as they all wake up with way more energy than their seriously sleep deprived parents. Yeah you read that right, he pukes 20+ times, all night long, and is up playing with blocks only 2 hours past normal wake up time like nothing had happened. Then the next night Neil and I were both up nauseous all night and Jacob throws up again, totally random as he’d been fine all day. So after Neil and I finished our lovely night we couldn’t move the next day. Two nights of no sleep and now emptying our entire bodies on top of it. Mercifully children that just got over the stomach bug don’t want to eat much and we made it through the day.

So in summary, five days after Grant first threw up the toilet had been used 40+ times for things you don’t want to know about (but look how much you already know!) Five days, like a whirlwind, and we thought we were done.

But not yet! Two days later Jacob mysteriously throws up at dinner, and are you sitting down…I caught it in my hand. I did grab a towel first, but it was in my hand! How far I’d come in just one little week. I could not even be in the bathroom with Grant one week prior and Neil spent the night up with him while he threw up. I can’t stand the sight, smell, sound of someone throwing up and now I’m catching it in my hand! I am simultaneously appalled and proud of myself. So we thought he ate too much that day, that’s all. Except two days later, he did it again! Only this time in the middle of the night, while he was at my parents so we could have an over night anniversary outing (which I also neglected to write about, yay for 9 years and new tattoos!) He seems to be doing ok now, its been three days so we should be safe…right?

But I can’t leave with all doom and gloom, there were actually some bright spots. Amidst it all (ok mostly the beginning before it was too bad) I was finding the silver lining. Here are a few of my observations.

Something told me to put Jena’s hair up the first time she got up to go potty while I was in the bathroom with Jacob. You know, just in case, and I actually listened! So no miles of puke hair to wash, that girl’s got some hair.

I also cleaned our toilet good after they were all done, you know just in case it did hit Neil and I. I, of course, got stuck in the kids bathroom (which didn’t get cleaned), but at least Neil appreciated it.

Since it happened right as the time changed the kids actually slept in those two nights where I slept none.

It was fast! I would much rather do hard and fast and get it over with, than dragging it out forever. So grateful.

It made me a little sad, knowing all Grant’s had to go through to gain his experience with throwing up, but it has paid off. He took it all in stride, even taking himself to the bathroom in the night and not waking us (I woke Neil to go to him when I heard him, but after talking to Grant in the morning found there were times I didn’t even hear). He acted like it was nothing, he thought it was funny how much I hate/fear throwing up, it’s no big deal mom. Wow. I am uber impressed with him.

Finally, thank all of you that were praying and talking to us via Facebook. It really did help knowing somebody knew our misery and cared.

sacreligious? nah

Disregard my messy room as I follow around our latest little American Idol contestant (not that I even watch that show). But don’t disregard the poop talk, that’s why you come here, is it not? I have disappointed on that front for a while. Many apologies. But now you are getting poop talk mixed with the Bible, that’s pure sacrilegious gold, am I right? Don’t give me that look, God laughed.

I haven’t subjected you all to videos of my adorable children (unbiased opinion!) in a while so enjoy the crap out of this one, pun intended!

click here! now! do it! you know you want to!

Side note when I finally did give in to his demands to ‘see it mommy’ at the end, he found his own poop singing quite hilarious. Wish I could have recorded that.

a year in review

I had to go look up my archives to figure out what was going on earlier this year. January was full of poop, butt jokes, more poop, and a bunch of babies. We have come a long way. We are now only dealing with butt jokes…alright! Jena now carries on full conversations with no interpreting needed and Jacob no longer spits up all over Neil’s head.

I had also started working out with a goal of a year, which I almost made. I made it through November, I’m proud of myself. I now have Dance Central on the X-box, I’ve already ‘worked out’ everyday since Christmas it’s so much fun.

And January is as far as I made it in the archives, I can see my attention span has not improved. We exited baby land this year. It was bitter-sweet I suppose, though I’ve only felt the sweet so far. We are now full blown into toddler and school land. Jena will be registering for pre-school next month and Jacbo toddles the house blabbering and screaming. Grant is half way through his first year of school. It’s a whole different world, one I thought would be an easier one, turns out it’s just different, weird different. I feel like an imposter half the time I’m at the school, but I swear, I’m a real mom!

This year will start with us moving, I think we may have found the place this afternoon. We’ve been in a lot and most could work, but this one just felt like home. I was almost crying all the way home thinking about it. So we’ll make application and work out the details next week. Either way we’ll be moving somewhere by the 22nd!

I’m looking forward to less stress and more margin, in time, in budget, in life in general. We’ll see how it pans out, but so far we’re right on track. Though I’ve learned my plans really mean squat, so here’s to surprises!

May your new year be filled with…well…how about the ability to cope and thrive with whatever comes your way! I tried to wish happiness and prosperity for you all, but the cynic in me will not let me. She has the part that wants to locked in the closet right now. So your out of luck. Sorry.

But I will leave you with some beautiful pictures of my family, by photographer Melissa Lewis. She just captured us so well, chaos and all.

Happy New Year!


the new normal

School started this month. We’ve made a few adjustments in our schedule to accommodate.  Neil comes in earlier in the morning and does afternoon pick ups, and I come in later after I’ve dropped all the kids off. We are adjusting, some days are better than others. This morning was, well, special.

Guys you can skip this paragraph. Women, a little context. I got my hair cut last night, and I hate it, for the first time in like forever. I waited for 45 mins to get said haircut and then had to follow it by going out in public to buy everything we ran out of while I was working overtime last week and couldn’t shop. Since we’d used Jacob’s last diaper putting him to bed, this was not a delay-able trip. I didn’t get home till after 10pm only to find my period had started while I was out! Yippie! Then I woke up with cramps this morning, which I haven’t had since we started having kids. On to the morning.

As per the new normal, the alarm goes off at 5:30am, and wakes me up. Unfortunately, I no longer need to be up at 5:30.  As it continues to go off I hear movement in the adjacent room, Jena’s signature door slam as she exits their room gives her away. Before I can plan for her attack, she’s climbed into our bed, barely missing her sleeping brother. Just as she’s quieting back down with me I figure it’s about time for the alarm to go off again. Sure enough, there it is, that mechanical cell phone sounds I’ve grown to loathe. This time I feel Jacob begin to stir on the other side of me, with in minutes he’s managed to accomplish what the alarm had been attempting for the last half an hour.

Both kids are plopped in front of the TV, Neil jumps in the shower and I desperately throw a pillow over my head and try to go back to sleep. What seems like 5 mins later my alarm starts going off and I hear Jena come in as she’s dressing herself to say ‘THANK YOU FOR BUYING ME GOLDFISHES MOMMY!’ My half asleep brain only notices that I don’t have to get her dressed and she was polite, how nice I think. Only now as I’m writing this do I realize I never checked to make sure she took her nighttime diaper off and switched to panties (she frequently forgets this part of the process), hmm….I wonder how that turned out.

Anywho, I stumble out of the bedroom, trying to duck for cover, but I’m spotted. Screams of help ensue as Jacob strains to get out of his high chair. I’m too tired to do anything yet and there is no way I can let him down to play while in the shower. He has mastered the climbing of EVERYTHING, the proper method of descent however still eludes him.

With a clearer head, after a quick shower, I walk into the living room and Jena’s sweet little ‘Thank you’ this morning comes rushing back. It is a gold fish grave yard in my so recently cleaned living room (mistake one, cleaning the living room; mistake two, expecting it to still be that way when I got up). I removed the bowls of semi surviving fishies from the couch among the chorus of screams. Jacob still wanting to get down, Jena traumatized I had taken her fishies away, and Grant who was just trying to make me hear above it all that he was indeed still hungry!

We do our breakfast mayhem, peppered all through out with screaming fits for MORE FISHIES MOMMY WHAAA!!! Making me regret every buying them in the first place. When we are all finally somewhat satisfied with breakfast poor tired Jacob is finally about to be released. As I’m getting him out of his high chair I realize he’s not been changed yet this morning. So rather than let his soaked diaper leak all over more stuff I strip it off and throw it in the trash. Thrilled to be free he toddles off to play. I figure I’ll give him a minute to air out and I got to the laundry room to grab my work clothes (mistake one, not putting my work clothes away this week; mistake two, thinking there’s a difference between a 5 minutes shower and a 30 second trip to the laundry room). When I come back in Jena gleefully greets me with ‘MOMMY JACOB POOPED ON DA FLOOR!’ Looking back now it seems enormously funny, though I’m quite sure shock and/or dismay was my initial reaction.

I grab some toilet paper and chokingly grab the enormous turd that was adorning my living room rug and deposit it in the toliet…hmm…I can’t seem to remember flushing. Did I mention Neil is the first one home in the evenings now? Surprise honey! After depositing it in the proper place I notice there’s this pretty splash pattern on the side of my couch that wasn’t there before. Then I realize that’s about the right level for…yay for boys! There’s also poop foot prints? on the rug? Sure enough, Jacob, who was continuing to poop while I was preoccupied cleaning up the first mess, had stepped in part of it and was now spreading it around the rug as he toddled along.

This called for a change in direction. New mission: project clean baby. Grant runs for the diaper wipes, Jena keeps him entertained while I get the poop off his butt, his legs, his feet, and in between his toes (gross). Once he’s properly diapered and off playing in their room, I go back to cleaning up the carpet.

Jacob, however will have none of this being left alone thing, and the other two are WAY to interested in the poop to be persuaded to leave the living room. So I’m being pestered with poop questions from both of them while I scrub my rug. I somehow managed to get the last of it cleaned up before Jacob makes it into the living room (if you know the size of our house, you’d really know what a feat that was!)

I pick him up and start rounding things back up to leave, because yes we still have to get off to school and work this morning! I scrub my hands, I change my clothes, but I can’t seem to get rid of the poop smell. I then look at my smiling baby boy on my hip (since carrying him is easier than listening to him complain to me about being woken up at O dark thirty this morning, I can’t give him a nap it’s time to leave!), and realize he’s somehow managed to smear poop along the side of his face and into his hair.

Now that’s it lunchtime and I’ve had cookies and hours of relative peace (at work), this seems humorous. It will also be useful black mail later.

hyper drive

So I haven’t posted in a bit. I know why, and guess what? Soon you will too! You’re so excited aren’t you?

Bycemaster worked most of the weekend, and where that’s good for our budget and his project at work, it’s a bit crazy on the household and my sanity.

We are also going out of town this weekend. Which should be great while we are there, the kids are anxiously awaiting seeing their grandparents, I am looking forward to a little adult conversation and some great cooking I’m not doing. I am trying my hardest NOT to think of the car ride, with Jacob in the big boy carseat now he’s between the two kids, which means Jena can reach him. That scares me. Back to excuses, so in the meantime I just added a few extra loads of laundry to my week to get us ahead (ahead ha ha, that was a funny one) before we go. Plus a bunch of other extra little stuff that must get done to travel with five, but it is no where near as exciting as laundry, so I’ll spare you.

But I’m feeling gracious and surprisingly alert due to my laughable attempt at a step class tonight. Which means I’ll make up for this boring up date, and give you our car ride home today. Your welcome.

All parts must be read simultaneously to achieve the most realistic reenactment.

Grant: *singing* poo poo, poo poo. Jacob poo poo. ha ha

Jena: put pbudder it, like dis Jacob. *spreads on her plastic bread*

Grant: poo poo, Jacob habs poo poo on his….BUTT! *uproariously laughter from Grant only*

Jacob: random screams and giggles

Jena: here *shoves bread in Jacob’s mouth* here Jacob. tat it.

Grant: *back to singing again* more poo poo on Jacob,POO POO MOMMY! POO POO!

Jena: tat it Jacob. TAT IT!

Jacob: more random screams and giggles

and on it goes…

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