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waiting

baby update

So it’s the last week of February. We have infant carrier installed and bouncy seat washed, even the highchair cleaned up (gross) and reclined for a newborn. We are more set up and prepared than we were before, to now continue waiting again.

Our meeting with the birth mother never materialized and after a long period of radio silence from her the agency called last night to tell us they are considering the match off and putting us back in waiting.

We want to thank all of you who were excited with us and supported us financially and in prayer for this match. Because our match meeting never even happened we are actually able to move ALL the funds forward for the next one, so we are still close to our goal. With just a little more we will be full funded before the baby actually arrives, which would be fantastic.

Click here if you’d still like to contribute ­čÖé

We heard from the agency last week that the mother had stopped contacting and even though we hoped, we kinda knew what that meant. I tend to live a step ahead (live in the present, I know, I know, I do what I can), so my grieving has happened. Last night was quite honestly a relief. I am sure there will still be patches of grief, but for the moment, we are relieved to know where we stand again and ready to solider on with waiting. We know God has his plan and we do not want what he does not want.

The children took it well. As always, they add perspective to life.

Whew, that’s not the worst that could happen mom, the worst is she would NEVER get here.

Can we still have our sleepover at Papa and Nana’s?

Yes! I can have more screen time. I was going to be so busy taking care of my little sister I wouldn’t have had much. Oh but don’t worry I still want her to come mom!

Please continue to pray for birth mom. We don’t know much about what’s going on, but the situation the lead her to consider adoption at all was not the best. Please pray for peace and safety and support for her. Please also pray for continued patience and peace and joy while we wait. We are in a much better spot waiting now than we were before the failed match, so that is good. As always we appreciate all of you.

We are over here finding ways to enjoy our current stage for as long as it lasts, anticipating it’s happy end, someday.

 

5 things I’ve learned “in the waiting period”

This was originally intended to be a very different kind of post.

Under normal circumstances we don’t know if our profile is being viewed. It could have been shown 100 times already (not likely). We only find out if we’re picked. There are however, “special cases.” Sometimes they do not have the amount of books they’d like to show for a certain situation. ┬áSometimes you requested being asked first about certain circumstances. These we get emails about. There’s been more of these than I’d expected. However, we didn’t feel any of them were ones we should submit for until last week. Last week’s email felt almost too good to be true. A little girl due to be born soon (all we knew was before September for sure) circumstances something we were totally ok with.

I cannot begin to tell you how I excited I was. Just reading the email. Waiting around for hours for Bycemaster to get home. Then sending the email saying put us out there! Most of this process has seemed surreal. I know eventually there will be a baby. I know this. But there is so much waiting. In every step of the process. When you are waiting with no end in sight, it’s hard to believe the end is just around the corner. Even though it could be.

But for us it was not this corner. I’ve been obsessively checking our email for days. This morning I got an email saying we weren’t chosen. We did not tell the kids about submitting at all. We knew what has happened was a very real possibility. So it’s a quietly mournful morning over here. Upon reflection here a few things we’ve gleaned from this waiting process so far.

5 things I’ve learned in “the waiting period”

1) Some days waiting is easy.

You hear it’s hard. The waiting is so hard. It’s the hardest part. That’s all we’ve heard. But there are some days it is easy. Days go by and it’s not been agony. Then there are days like the past few where you know something is close, but you don’t even know when you will know anything. And then there’s todays. It’s hard.

2) You’re not as ready as you think you are.┬á

We’ve gotten so much stuff for Baby Girl Byce. We’ve washed and folded clothes, set up pack n plays, gotten car seats. Then OMG IT COULD BE TOMORROW! And you realize how unprepared you really are. We still need to set up a hospital plan for our current kids. I need to figure out what I’ll pack in our stay bags (what do you wear to something like this!?) I don’t have the┬áLact-Aid nursing system I’d already done research on, but never purchased. I haven’t even given any thoughts to what we want to give to the birth mother. So many more things.

3) Longer waits are better for grants.

We’ve only gotten 1 grant application all the way to submission. The rest are in various stages of not done yet. But even the 1 that is in would not have mattered for this baby. The current one was a minimum of 90 days past deadline to even find out. And grants only pay out before placement, if you even get any. After placement, you’re pretty much screwed. I have renewed motivation to get the rest of the applications in ASAP. Any takers on references? We’re gonna need some more.

4) Things don’t always turn out like you thought.

So this lesson has really been in process longer than just the waiting process. The whole adoption process from picking an agency to being in waiting has not been like I’d originally envisioned. But see I’ve been envisioning this since long before anything in my current life. I also never envisioned my current life. And my current life rocks. This process has morphed and changed so much from my preconceived notions. But there is peace it’s as it’s supposed to be. This is what it looks like for us, not me, us. That’s important and so much better.

5) Good people are gold.

Bleeding off the last point. Life is not meant to be lived in isolation. What dreams I may have are not meant for ME, just me, all about me. We are all connected and the dreams we have are also meant for the people our lives intertwine with. We are are all in this together. I could write a whole post about this one. From the gifts to support to prayers you are all so important. Having people super excited with you at even the chance of a placement is gold. Having not a single person say well don’t get your hopes up, is gold. Knowing there are so many of you praying for us in this journey, is gold. You all are gold.

I am sad and disappointed I’m not gonna lie. I’m also grateful I allowed myself to be excited that this could be it, it really could have been. Ups and downs are part of life. Someone who has been in waiting is super happy and excited this morning. This is a loss, but it is not a death. There’s a little balm in a loss that is someone else’s gain. Maybe next time it will be our gain.

best monday ever

Today we took a day, just took it and ran with it all the way to the beach. It’d been a while, it was much needed. I’ve been in that place where there’s just enough to make it the next step and no more. No margin, no extra. The beach takes me back to fuller again. It was a good choice. I left the weekend frustrated that our home study still wasn’t approved and the person responsible was leaving on vacation. I know they work hard, I do. But that doesn’t really lessen my frustration with how much waiting we are doing before we are even officially waiting. I left the weekend feeling like it was once again too short and to full of work. But oh Monday. Monday has been good to me. Monday was full of the good stuff.

Like a little girl finally finding the magic mix of wet and dry sand for her castle to work this trip!

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And make believe birthday cakes and candles and wishes too!

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And the most awesomest construction team ever and their giant pool!

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Complete with an underground basement, can you see it under there? They started tunneling under ground. It was impressive, they were proud.

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When we got home I jumped on the wifi and checked my email. First I saw we have a renter! I don’t even remember if we posted that our renter that was going to renew decided to leave instead, because you know when you’re fund raising having a refill fee and empty rental is what you’re going for, clearly. But we have a new renter and we were able to get more rent than last year and they move in Friday! Very exciting, but not the most exciting email. The best email was the next one.

WE ARE IN OFFICIALLY IN WAITING!!!!!!!!!!!

So pumped, I may just set up the pack n play and hang up the baby quilt tonight. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. Happy dance (in my head, maybe).

Best Monday ever.

the fundly is here

I know I know it’s been weeks since I’ve given any adoption updates. We had passed the ball into the agency’s court weeks ago and have just been waiting for it to pass back. It’s back! We got our profile book back in the mail yesterday. Filled with edits! I really should have expected this, I mean I edit the crap out of my own work, usually, but my initial response was still overwhelmed, again. So many edits! I get it, we want their input and really I do. This is their job, they know better how certain things come across, but I am so ready to just sit around in waiting. I know the big ‘they’ say waiting sucks, and I’m not doubting them (ok maybe I am, if I’m honest, but only a little), but it will at least be a different kind of sucky. I will be developing patience and a greater capacity to deal with the unknown WHILE doing fun things like setting up the pack n play and buying cute diapers and making a new baby blanket. I’m ready to be there. Almost there. I’ll be plugging through the edits this week and hopefully we’ll hear our home study (which is now complete) has gotten it’s final directorial approval soon as well. Those are our last steps and I’ll get to announce we are in waiting. Right now we are just waiting to wait. I feel like I talk a lot about waiting.

Also cat’s out of the bag! We (and by we I totally mean Bycemaster) researched and set up our funding page. It’s not quite finished yet, as we are now into my part, but it is up and active. We totally didn’t intend to publicize yet, we thought when we hit skip last night on the publish to Facebook part, it wouldn’t publish to Facebook (now why would we think that….). But it turned out to be a happy accident as we’ve already had multiple likes and shares and even a DONATION! I must admit I was almost crying when we realized that someone had already responded to our unfinished accident. We have hope and faith, but I don’t expect it. It still never stops amazing me every time we are on the receiving end of someone’s generosity. We have such incredibly generous people in our lives. We are so grateful for everyone that has already contributed in funds or social or moral support. You all are invaluable and I hope you know how much you mean to us and our new little baby.

Well I had a cute little post about my co-op art lesson planned for today (the kids did so well!), but life interrupted. I’m toying with the idea of moving this up to twice a week. Are you guys ok with that? And also ok if it doesn’t actually happen, ha! Once a week has been doable, I’m thinking I can handle twice a week if you can…we shall see.

Click here to view and contribute to our adoption fund, just remember, it’s still under construction!

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