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work

whats wrong with this picture

This is what your lists start to look like when you are always holding a baby with the hand you write with.

Thankfully, after almost 6 years of practice, it is at least legible. Though the almost 6 year old’s hand writing rivals it for neatness these days.

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10 things i’ve learned at home

So I’ve lost track of how many days into this we are, which is really a testament more to my counting skills…or lack thereof…than the actual amount time that has passed. I do know this, we are rounding out the first month. I have learned some things here at home, I’ve decided to share, briefly, yes it is possible.

Here goes.

1. Sleep is not an option for this job, way more necessary than any other job I’ve ever had. I MUST have a good nights sleep or a nap or it’s not pretty.

2. Wearing your hair lots of colors is awesome, dyeing it lots of colors slightly less awesome.

3. I have so much nail polish it’s ridiculous, also I have a hard time deciding on one color.

4. I really do enjoy challenges, I cannot tell you how rewarding it is to finish a day doing something that stretches you.

5. Being caught up on the laundry is pretty cool, doing some form of laundry almost every day of the week, yeah not so much.

6. Having margin in your life rocks as much as all those books said it would.

7. Bottle feeding is for the birds!

8. Babies are cuter than I remembered.

9. This job is way more active than an office job, I’m so out of shape

10. ok maybe I couldn’t think of another at the moment…

I’m interested to see what the six week point will bring. It was the point, with all three children, when I was screaming to go back to work. A few more weeks will tell.

day 8 of the experiement

As I am about to wrap up the second week of working mom to stay at home mom experiment, I am quite amazed. I know, for me, the anticipation of an event is always worse than the event itself. I have an active and creative mind, it often creates scenarios that are more real than reality, I know this about myself. It still never ceases to amaze me though, how different walking through a transition is than anticipating it.

I know there will be crazy days, days when I feel like I’m at the end of my rope and beyond. In the meantime I’ll enjoy the fact that we aren’t there yet. Today we planted kitchen herbs, basil, parsley, chives, the first of many, I hope. I have conquered the laundry and it mostly stays that way (this is an utterly new feeling). The kitchen stays mostly clean and I actually do enjoy cooking dinner…about three times a week, hey not everything’s perfect. Neil’s kicked in with breakfast most of the week and even an occasional dinner.

All in all I stand amazed at how easy it has been so far.Doing my best to enjoy it while it lasts, while trying not to sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop.

and so it begins

We are on day two of the new job. Day one went swimmingly, like the ideal day you always enjoy, but never expect. I got to read quite a bit, cleaned the kitchen, got two loads of laundry done, and cooked a very yummy dinner (if I do say so myself, and I do). Today, day two, was a bit more difficult, but amazingly fulfilling. I ended the day in one piece, with minimally screaming children, dinner ready to go. It was more tiring, more challenging, but in the end I felt amazingly rewarded for surviving what most people’s looks told me I was crazy to take on. I feel good. We’ll see how day three goes tomorrow.

i quit

I’ve been trying to write this post for almost two weeks now. For some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I quit my day job.

I’m going to be working at home watching a 6 month old baby girl. It is an answer to prayer in more ways than one – we were losing our childcare and in want (I have a hard time attaching the word need to money here) of more financial breathing room, check check both taken care of – but I am dreading the transition. Not the end point, I think I’m actually going to enjoy that. In fact, I have a whole list of reasons why  I’m going to like it. But the leaving everything I’ve known partially terrifies me some days, today being one of them. I’m losing my escape, my support structure, the few remaining friends I still have that haven’t moved across the country or the world (and no I’m not being dramatic, they really did), my adult time. There are going to be rough points in this transition.

On days that aren’t today I would have told you I’m looking forward to the flexibility (even though I’m kinda losing some at the same time). I’m looking forward to naps, going out in the evenings without guilt (is that possible?), being outside more, taking walks, doing crafts with the kids, organizing our home, blogging more, being semi-caught up with house work (at which point all SAHM laugh, let me have my delusion for a little while please) and watching these little guys grow up. It will be good, this I know.

It just feels really strange. I feel like I was raised to work, I was not taught ‘mommy’ things, I had no plans to marry and have babies. I had and still have dreams of careers, yes plural. This past year has definitely been the death of that dream, for a variety of reasons, and it has been a hard one to let go of. It has been harder I think because I don’t have a clear new one yet, I don’t know this dream. I have a vague idea it will be good, but I’ve never owned it and don’t really know what it feels like, except that it doesn’t really feel like me…yet. Can I get a degree in parenting? I feel under-qualified.

So tomorrow or next week I’ll be excited again and counting down the days till my last day at work (four more working days by the way), but tonight I feel like I’m still trying to find my way.

So all my SAHM and SAHD too. How do you do it? How does this work? Teach me oh wise ones.

 

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