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grants

always darkest before dawn

Just yesterday I was planning a post. I was planning to tell you I just can’t keep writing right now. It’s too hard, I’m in a dark place, please pray. But I couldn’t even do that. I took the pack n’ play down last night, I couldn’t see it open and empty anymore. Once the holiday rush was over everything just came crashing down and it was hard, so hard.

Then this afternoon happened. The phone started ringing, again (did some law change in the new year, I have gotten a ton of sales calls in the last few weeks!) “ITS JUST A NUMBER MOM, WE DIDN’T ANSWER IT” was screamed at me. Then I hear “it’s a 407 number, those are local numbers…blah blah blah.”

And I froze. Now as soon as I heard 407 I thought THIS IS IT! But I will also say I thought that when my sister called two hours before and just about every other phone call I’d received since Christmas. So yeah, there’s that.

But this time I was right! They wanted to have both Bycemaster and I on the phone at the same time to tell us, so we had to finagle around and get logistics going for a bit since he was at work AND in a meeting. But we got it worked out and they told us we’ve been picked 🙂

I will admit I started crying and maybe shaking, just a little!

Our little girl should be here by the end of the month! Our whole little family is thrilled.

We are not at liberty to share too many more details as she is not legally ours yet, we have just taken the next step on the journey to that day.

Please continue to pray for all of us as we meet birth mom and plan arrangements to bring home our little girl. Pray that things continue to go smoothly until things are legally complete.

And if you are able to give, we still have some money left to raise. We’ve gotten most of our support in person, but you are more than welcome to use the fundly as well! We are so very close, any help would be appreciated, no matter how small.

https://fundly.com/neil-joy-s-adoption-fund

As always we, especially me, so value your support and prayers. We are praying, hoping, and expecting things to go all the way to completion with this match. But even if they don’t I know will be happy to have shared knowing you all will support us through either outcome.

More to come, but I need to go set back up that pack n’ play 🙂

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update on Brooklyn

Thank you to everyone that was praying for Brooklyn’s birth mom this past week. She has made her decision, and it was not us. We found out yesterday, ironically, right as I was finishing painting the baby dresser. We will continue to apply for grants and get ready over here. Hope for a chance at a baby moon. All the while hoping that our plans and prep get disrupted sooner than we expect. As we’d much rather have the baby than the plans.

cureforanything

I have a life motto, if you will. The cure for anything is salt water – sweat, tears or the sea.

My attempt at the sea today has failed, but the other two are readily available. I did not get as excited about this attempt, however, the disappointment has been worse. I know another family is happy. I know our baby will come. I know the perfect timing is what I want. I know all the things I’m supposed to know right now. I don’t feel any of them today, but I also know that will come.

In the meantime, I am very happy that my husband, who still occasionally drives me crazy, is at his best in the hard times. When I really need him, he far surpasses expectations. If anything I am grateful for another opportunity to see him in action.

baby news!

We have baby news!

Hopefully good (for us) baby news. We’ve submitted again for another special circumstance. Deadline is tonight, we think books will be shown this week. There is a chance we will know by next week one way or the other. I’m cautiously hopeful. We don’t know much, but birth mom would like her to keep her name Brooklyn.

So please pray for Brooklyn’s birth mom and family (if they’re involved, we don’t know) as she is looking through books this week. I’d like to ask you to pray that she picks us, but really just pray that she has supernatural wisdom and can see the real families through these books. It’s so hard to convey all of who you are without meeting a person.

In related news we also found out we’ve been awarded a grant! Some of that work is paying off! We were super excited to get that letter in the mail, even earlier than we expected! I’ve adjusted the fundly goal down to reflect the new need, really wish I could make it reflect what has actually been provided so far. We are just barely under 6,000 dollars already between fundly, grants, and personal checks received. We are so grateful for you all!

You can visit our fundly for updates or to give here!

we now interupt your regularly scheduled broadcast

Hey everyone! I know it’s monday, and there’s usually a new post up by now. I’m really trying to crack down on these grant applications so I’m here at Panera about to finish the next one up! *and there was much rejoicing, yay* (please tell me someone got that Monty Phyton reference…)

Anywhoooo I have more stuff planned for you! It’s just going to have to wait, at least for this week. In the meantime I’ll leave you with this cat video. That’s what all the peoples are watching these days, right?

Till next time!

5 things I’ve learned “in the waiting period”

This was originally intended to be a very different kind of post.

Under normal circumstances we don’t know if our profile is being viewed. It could have been shown 100 times already (not likely). We only find out if we’re picked. There are however, “special cases.” Sometimes they do not have the amount of books they’d like to show for a certain situation.  Sometimes you requested being asked first about certain circumstances. These we get emails about. There’s been more of these than I’d expected. However, we didn’t feel any of them were ones we should submit for until last week. Last week’s email felt almost too good to be true. A little girl due to be born soon (all we knew was before September for sure) circumstances something we were totally ok with.

I cannot begin to tell you how I excited I was. Just reading the email. Waiting around for hours for Bycemaster to get home. Then sending the email saying put us out there! Most of this process has seemed surreal. I know eventually there will be a baby. I know this. But there is so much waiting. In every step of the process. When you are waiting with no end in sight, it’s hard to believe the end is just around the corner. Even though it could be.

But for us it was not this corner. I’ve been obsessively checking our email for days. This morning I got an email saying we weren’t chosen. We did not tell the kids about submitting at all. We knew what has happened was a very real possibility. So it’s a quietly mournful morning over here. Upon reflection here a few things we’ve gleaned from this waiting process so far.

5 things I’ve learned in “the waiting period”

1) Some days waiting is easy.

You hear it’s hard. The waiting is so hard. It’s the hardest part. That’s all we’ve heard. But there are some days it is easy. Days go by and it’s not been agony. Then there are days like the past few where you know something is close, but you don’t even know when you will know anything. And then there’s todays. It’s hard.

2) You’re not as ready as you think you are. 

We’ve gotten so much stuff for Baby Girl Byce. We’ve washed and folded clothes, set up pack n plays, gotten car seats. Then OMG IT COULD BE TOMORROW! And you realize how unprepared you really are. We still need to set up a hospital plan for our current kids. I need to figure out what I’ll pack in our stay bags (what do you wear to something like this!?) I don’t have the Lact-Aid nursing system I’d already done research on, but never purchased. I haven’t even given any thoughts to what we want to give to the birth mother. So many more things.

3) Longer waits are better for grants.

We’ve only gotten 1 grant application all the way to submission. The rest are in various stages of not done yet. But even the 1 that is in would not have mattered for this baby. The current one was a minimum of 90 days past deadline to even find out. And grants only pay out before placement, if you even get any. After placement, you’re pretty much screwed. I have renewed motivation to get the rest of the applications in ASAP. Any takers on references? We’re gonna need some more.

4) Things don’t always turn out like you thought.

So this lesson has really been in process longer than just the waiting process. The whole adoption process from picking an agency to being in waiting has not been like I’d originally envisioned. But see I’ve been envisioning this since long before anything in my current life. I also never envisioned my current life. And my current life rocks. This process has morphed and changed so much from my preconceived notions. But there is peace it’s as it’s supposed to be. This is what it looks like for us, not me, us. That’s important and so much better.

5) Good people are gold.

Bleeding off the last point. Life is not meant to be lived in isolation. What dreams I may have are not meant for ME, just me, all about me. We are all connected and the dreams we have are also meant for the people our lives intertwine with. We are are all in this together. I could write a whole post about this one. From the gifts to support to prayers you are all so important. Having people super excited with you at even the chance of a placement is gold. Having not a single person say well don’t get your hopes up, is gold. Knowing there are so many of you praying for us in this journey, is gold. You all are gold.

I am sad and disappointed I’m not gonna lie. I’m also grateful I allowed myself to be excited that this could be it, it really could have been. Ups and downs are part of life. Someone who has been in waiting is super happy and excited this morning. This is a loss, but it is not a death. There’s a little balm in a loss that is someone else’s gain. Maybe next time it will be our gain.

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